Lessons learned in the hard times. Lesson 3

            This is the third of three key lessons that the Lord has been teaching me over the years. 

            This has taken longer for me to accept because it meant relinquishing that desire to control my life and hand it over to the Lord.  It takes faith to let go and allow the Father to have his way in our lives.  The more we hand over our decisions to him, the greater peace will be experienced.  There is still a long way to go and to reach a point where in every decision and action God is in total control may never happen.  But Mags Duggan has said it well when she says, “I’m discovering that, as I acknowledge and surrender to God control over the timing in my life, on my best days I am becoming more rested, less anxious, and more willing to wait for God to act.”[1]  That is what we can look forward to as we submit our lives to Him.

            As we have moved around and experienced many different situations, one thing has become clear – our Father is in control.  Of course we know that in our heads, but do we believe it?  So often there are personal motives at work when we want to be in control.  It may be pride, a desire for popularity or fear, or other possible reasons.  In so doing, we aren’t bringing glory to God but seeking the glory for ourselves. 

            As we see God at work in our lives and situations our faith in Him is strengthened. This enables us to  trust Him more.  When living in Japan we tried to see God working in the small things.  This was a great way to be encouraged.  The more we saw Him at work in the little things, the more able we were to commit bigger things into his hands. This has continued to be an ever increasing experience for us. 

Letting God set the agenda can be scary.  However, we can trust God to do what ultimately will be for our good.  With the present pandemic and being restricted to our homes, Some of us may have more time to sit and be quiet, to read and pray and to listen for God to speak.  However, sitting still and not doing can be quite stressful and uncomfortable, but with God’s help and grace He will enable us to be where we can hear His voice.

When we moved to Chippenham, I decided to stop doing and let my Father set the agenda for what I did each day.  As I sat doing nothing except to read the Bible, pray and listen, making myself available for whatever the Lord wanted, He gave me different opportunities.  This was quite a reversal for me a doer and workaholic who wants to get on with things.   So to wait for our Father to move was quite uncharacteristic.  The benefit of letting Him set the agenda was that I didn’t feel rushed off my feet like I usually did and felt more relaxed about life, knowing that I could trust Him with every situation.  Even the part time cleaning job at a school became a place where God challenged me about whether this was now what He wanted for me.  What were my motives for working?  What was the purpose of the job?  Was it to provide some financial benefit?  Was I really trusting God to provide?  Did He want me to use this time in other ways?  I prayed one day for clarity about the job and very shortly after we received a gift through the post that encouraged me and was part of the confirmation for giving up the job.  A few days after submitting my resignation we received another more substantial gift in the post which was totally unexpected, another clear indication that our Father could be trusted to provide.

            Even in the move back to Newent, it was reassuring to know that we could leave it with God and let him take control of the sale and move.  It wasn’t a good time to be moving house, but it was clearly His plan. We had four interested people within two weeks, had an offer soon after and we were able to make an offer on a place in Newent straight away and with only three people in the chain.  There were many others matters about the move for which we give thanks for – good weather on the day of the move, a couple of weeks of lovely weather as we settled in, that we were moved before the flooding in Gloucester and that we were settled before the lockdown.  So many things which point to our Father’s love and care poured out on us.  Even if it hadn’t gone smoothly we could still have rested assured that the Lord was in control and at the right time and in the right way He would have made His will clear to us as to what He is doing in our lives.

            What we need to remember though is that the Lord will not work in the same way for each person, nor will He do things the same way every time.  This is how God has been working in my life, and it may be different for you.  We can be encouraged by the fact that whatever the situation is, we can still leave it with Him and patiently wait His timing to work things out in our lives.

            When God called Samuel and he went to Eli, Eli didn’t tell him to stay up all night in prayer.  He told him to ‘lie down’ just as he had been doing.  “He coached Samuel in a way of readiness to respond instead of a striving urgency to entreat…. It comes down to seven words in the English language…. ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’  These words do not initiate the conversation.  They come in response to it.”[2]  This is God’s longing for each one of us and is the way to blessing, peace and loving the Lord joyfully. 

Post Script

            These three lessons are closely linked with prayer.  Prayer is our acknowledgement that we need help, that we can’t do it ourselves.  It is saying, “I can’t but you can!”  It is a step of faith and a humbling of ourselves in submission to the Lord.  It is through prayer that God can speak into our hearts as we meditate on His Word.  As we pray we allow God to bring our wills more in tune with His.  However, praying can be difficult.  Our first prayer request can be that God will give us a greater desire for Him in prayer.  Thomas Merton prayed, “MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me…. and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.”[3] As our relationship with the Lord deepens, we will see a transformation in how we respond to the circumstances that we are in and our trust and faith in God will grow.

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[1] Mags Duggan, God among the Ruins, p.78.

[2] J.D.Walt, Called:?! Following a Future Filled with the Possible (Kindle, Locations 459-469)

[3] Quoted in J.D.Walt, Called:?! Following a Future Filled with the Possible (Kindle, Locations 319-322)

Lessons learned in the hard times. Lesson 1

            God uses hard times, difficulties, pain and unusual situations to teach us things that will help us grow in our faith in God.  However, we can be quite slow in learning these things that He wants to reveal to us and patiently keeps drawing them to our attention.

            Over the years God has been teaching me three key lessons which can probably be applied to many situations that we face in life.  The first was learnt in our first year of marriage when we were on a literature team in Eire for fourteen months. One of my big concerns was how will I manage as a mission worker in Japan to which we were heading after our time in Ireland.  I was looking at senior mission workers that I knew and saw all the things they were doing and was quite fearful that I wouldn’t be able to do all they were doing.  While on the team, I had some free time while the others were taking a typing course.  I had been told that 2 Corinthians was Paul’s hand book for mission workers, so I thought that would be a good book to study. 

            This book certainly revealed Paul’s heart, his motives and experiences of God as he carried out God’s call on his life.  I learnt a lot and the study was a blessing to me because it helped me to see that it was God who was fitting me for my role as a mission worker.  In fact, it was because of Him that I could be a mission worker at all and do the work that He had for me to do.  I learnt that every area of my life was because of Him and I contributed nothing to the equation.

            God was there at my salvation.  It was God who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," [making] his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 4:6).  Then in the next verse Paul tells us that “we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”(ch.4:7)  Paul tells us that our confidence is in God because it is He who is working.  Then he says in chapter 3:5-6,  “Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.  He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant …”  Then in those well known verses in chapter 12, Paul had a ‘thorn’ that he felt was hindering his work for God and so asks God to take it away.  But what was God’s answer?   "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (12:9-10)  So Paul thanked God for his weaknesses, and it is the same with us for when we are weak we too need to rely all the more on God’s grace and power.

            This was an important lesson to learn, that really all aspects of our lives are under his control and He is working out His purposes through us as we trust and allow Him that freedom to work in us.  We have the assurance that when we do this God can and will use us to His glory.  In Philippians 1:6, we are reminded that, “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  And further, it is “God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”  (Philippian 2:13)  A burden was lifted by this truth – if God calls he will also equip and provide all that we need to carry out His purpose and will for our lives and so with greater confidence I was able to leave for Japan in 1976.

There was one further aspect to this lesson that happened during this time in Ireland which helped me to see clearly that I could trust God with the work that He would give me to do when we got to Japan.  As it was a team situation, living together for the 14 months did add pressure on our relationships, not least between the director and the team members.  As team leader I felt responsible for the care and well being of the team as we faced hard situations that we all were struggling with.  How do I deal with this?  I spoke with the director and trying to resolve the issues that we sensed were present but without any apparent change to the situation.  I felt that I should not be defeated by this but have victory in this situation.  In struggling with this over some three months or so, the Lord one day made it very clear to me that he had already given me the victory but that I was trying to gain victory with my own effort.  I repented of my unbelief and self effort and submitted my life to God for his victory already received.  The problem didn’t go away but my heart attitude was changed and I was given the grace to accept it and experience God’s peace in the situation.    

This was another step in helping me to realize that I needn’t fear about going to Japan because God would be with me, helping, enabling and carrying out the work He wanted to do through me.  I didn’t need to be like other mission workers but I could be myself and do what God had called me to do.  This was an amazing release. 

By David Dexter

Lessons learned in the hard times. Lesson 2

            Last time we considered that when God calls he also equips and enables us to do what he wants us to do.  This next key lesson took much longer for me to learn.

            We went out to Japan trusting God to provide for our daily needs and God used many ways and many people to provide for us.  Over sixteen years we saw our Father generously give us all that we needed. A verse that means a lot to me is Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  This is a great promise and although conditional in that we need to seek God’s kingdom and righteousness first, we can believe that God will provide for our needs as we desire to do his will. 

            However, our Father needed to continually remind me of these lessons and to take me deeper into trusting in His word.  We returned to UK in 1992 for educational reasons.  In a miraculous way we had been provided with a house in Swindon a few years earlier.  From 1991, our two oldest stayed with friends in Hereford where they entered secondary school mid way.  We felt that as the girls were already settling into a school there it would be better if they stayed and we moved to Hereford.  It was at a time when the housing market was flat and there was very little movement.  This was a challenge to our faith.  We had arrived back in June and we had hoped to move before the new school year started in the September. 

            There are many things I could say about that move, but one is that the Lord worked out the schooling matter in a quite remarkable way.  All the primary schools were full.  We had an appointment soon after school started in September with the Head of a primary school.  At the start of the interview the school situation hadn’t changed and there were no places.  During the interview a message came through to say that one of the girls had moved away with her family and we were offered the vacancy! Consequently, that opened up the way for us to make a renewed offer on a house in Hereford.  We home schooled the youngest for one more year but the others had been provided for. 

            Some months had passed and income had dried up and it was difficult finding a job or retrain.  We had a mortgage and five young people at home.  Eventually God brought me to that point where I just had to come to Him and take Matthew 6:33 and trust our Father to keep his word as He had promised.  I prayed, “This is your responsibility to provide for our needs as you promised.  You brought us back to the UK and we are completely in your hands.  It is our desire to live and serve you in whatever way you want.”  Through this experience our loving Father helped me see that I should not be looking to others to provide for us which is what I had been doing but rather look to Him. I discontinued actively looking for a job after that and trusted the Lord to provide work or meet our needs in other ways. 

            These lessons don’t just suddenly happen, rather God was preparing me through many steps to get to this point where I needed to act in response to what God was teaching me.  I have many notes in my journal over the previous months that show that I was being challenged by many situations leading to that decision of trusting God with finances.  For example, one entry made on the day we had our interview with the Head of the school states, “I have been thinking and praying this morning about the whole question of trusting God rather than trying to do things in my own way.  I felt perhaps our low offers and trying to get the house for the cheapest amount was my effort to try and do it in my way.”   We then went ahead with an increased offer on the house.  On the day the papers for the mortgage were being filled in we received a very substantial gift which was totally unexpected.  What an amazing encouragement to know that when we step out in faith trusting God, He is there to provide, often in surprising ways!  

            The second lesson of three is that God can be trusted with our finances, and as we seek his kingdom and righteousness first, we can depend on God to provide for our needs (not our wants).  For the following twelve years or so that we were in Hereford and then Newent, God always provided for the needs we had when bills were due or expenses needed to be met.  I found a Journal entry from two years after this which states, “It’s not whether we will follow God’s way if He provides but follow God’s way because it is God’s way and leave the responsibility to Him to provide.”  No, it hasn’t always been easy, and there are times we have worried, but in the end, trusting God with this area of our lives proves to be the best way to avoid the anxiety and stress that can come when we think that it is dependent upon us to provide.  It is an on going decision to keep trusting God as we are often tempted to go back to trusting our own means to provide for our needs.  As we trust Him daily His peace fills our hearts and we can rest assured that we are in good hands.    

Book Review - Tim Chester, Enjoying God:

BOOK REVIEW

Tim Chester, Enjoying God: Experiencing the power and love of God in everyday life, The Good Book Company, 2018. pp.183

            All of us at sometime or other feel that we aren’t really enjoying God as we should.  Our relationship with him seems distant at times and can really we know God?  Perhaps a question we have all asked.  We enjoy the Sunday service and feel uplifted by the singing and the message, yet by Monday, that is all forgotten and we are struggling with life and feeling in need of another spiritual uplift.

            In the preface Tim Chester sets the scene in a typical family.  Mike, Emma and their two children have enjoyed the Sunday service and feel close to God.  They came home singing worship songs, yet on Monday morning after delays on the train and having been packed in tightly, he finally arrives at the office. Bob the only other Christian in the office asks Mike, “How was church?”  “The truth is it seems like a long time ago.  Yesterday the pastor had spoken of a relationship with God.  It seemed like a real possibility on Sunday, however, that was Sunday and this is Monday!”[1]

            Tim Chester writes in an easy to read style.  In fourteen chapters, he covers a wide range of helpful subjects.  Each chapter finishes with an ACTION idea and REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS to help assimilate and apply the ideas of the chapter.  Every so often at the end of a chapter he uses Mike and Emma to show how these principles are working in their lives. 

            Tim also challenges us to really think through our thoughts and motives about God.  For example, in chapter 2, he starts by asking, “Do you want more of God? Do you want to enjoy Him?”  We all know what the answer should be, but if we are honest do we really want to spend time hanging out with God?  So he puts the question differently by asking, “Do you like God?” We are all pretty good, he goes on to say, about judging a person fairly quickly when we meet them whether we will like them or not.  Yet, he asks another question, “How is it, then, that some of us have known God for years without ever deciding whether we like Him?”  He says that Christianity is about a relationship with God that brings joy. He gives five benefits of enjoying a relationship with God.  And very practically turns them around to say that if these things are not true, then they are likely to be a sign that we are not enjoying God in a fulfilling way. 

            Chapter 7 is perhaps very applicable to us in this present crisis.  The chapter heading is IN EVERY PAIN WE CAN ENJOY THE SON’S PRESENCE.  Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.  So how Jesus dealt with people going through loss, shame, anxiety as recorded in the gospels shows us how Jesus relates to us now.  Using examples from the gospels he shows how Jesus is at work in our lives today as he was then. 

            We could summarize this book the way Tim Chester does on page 33.  He describes his book as the “Observer’s Book” about God.  “It identifies the main ways in which God interacts with us each day.  It doesn’t describe amazing spiritual experiences that seem remote from [our] experience.  It doesn’t outline spiritual disciplines for [us] to master or spiritual gifts for [us] to ‘claim’.  It’s not a book about what [we] need to achieve.  It’s about what God has achieved in Christ.  It’s a book about grace, about how God in his kindness invites us to share in the delights of the Father in the Son and the Son in the Father through the Holy Spirit. It’s a spotter’s guide to all the very ordinary ways in which that happens every day.”[2] 

            If we really desire God for who He is then this book is one means that encourages us to enjoy God more. 

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[1] P.12

[2] P.33

What Seasons of life are you in now?

            It has been two years since the last entries in this blog.  The previous two entries in 2018 were because of the death of a cousin, having the responsibility of winding up his estate and the things that were learnt through that experience.  We have also moved back to Newent after five years in Chippenham helping with a new church plant there.

            As we look back on those five years we see the Lord graciously giving us an important period of transition back into British life and culture.  The Lord knew that we needed this time for renewal and adjusting.  We see that time as a good season in our lives, a time to appreciate the Lord in new ways, a time to just be, a time to experience life together with a group of younger people, examples of growing in grace and a greater freedom in the Lord and being available for the Lord to use us in the ways He chose.  We give thanks for those many experiences in Chippenham.

            We are back in Newent and grateful that we moved and were settled before the Corona Virus lock-down crisis.  Living in lock-down has been a strange experience.  Although used to working from home, having to keep our physical distance between people, only being allowed out for basic shopping and a daily walk, and not being able to interact with family and friends in the way that we would have liked, has been more difficult.  How long this will continue for, we don’t know.  Life will be different when restrictions are lifted and a new ‘normal’ whatever that is, will be another change to adjust to. 

            This new ‘normal’ will be the beginning of a new season in our lives.  Already, God has opened unexpected doors that may well be pointers of the way the Lord is leading us into new opportunities here in the church.  One of those opportunities was being asked to write some articles for a weekly church news letter during this lock-down.  How this will develop is unknown at the moment.  When in Chippenham, I didn’t have the desire to do much writing.  That was part of that season in my life.  It may be that this new season will see writing as a bigger part of my ministry here.  The plan is to post these articles in the days and weeks ahead and after that to write further blogs as the opportunity presents itself.  There is an excitement as to how this new season will develop in the weeks and months ahead.

           

What happens when we die?

In the previous blog we looked at the life of Malcolm Dexter and something of our involvement in sorting out his estate.  It was certainly interesting for us to go through his papers and experience something of the life that he lived.  This challenged me to reconsider my priorities in life.    

Looking back over those months as we sorted through Malcolm’s papers and belongings we were reminded once again that death does not discriminate but comes to us all at some time or another.  For some it may be unexpected and tragic.  For others it may be at a good old age.  Ultimately we will all have to face this experience.

So in asking the question “What happens when we die?” I really want to look at the question from the point of view of those of us who are left behind.  The deceased person’s life has come to an end.  What of those who remain?  There will be a sense of loss, the natural consequences of grief, sadness, emptiness and all the other emotions that we will experience when someone close passes away.  But what does it mean for those who have to go through the personal effects and deal with them?  

Malcolm had been meaning to write a will but had never got round to it.  We were thankful that he didn’t write a will.  It meant that the solicitor had the responsibility of making the decisions on everything.  It would have been very difficult and expensive for us if we had to carried out Malcolm’s wishes had there been in a will. 

Firstly to summarize some of the more obvious lessons that we have noted:

1. If there is no will intestacy rules will apply and it can become very complicated and messy for any remaining family.   In Malcolm’s case because he had no immediate family or property it did make it easier for us, although Malcolm’s wishes could not be carried out.
2. Malcolm had a funeral plan which was a great help and took the burden off us.  He had also indicated who he wanted to conduct the funeral.  We were grateful that we didn’t have to arrange that side of things.
3. He had a list of people he wanted contacted if anything was to happen to him.  With phone numbers listed these people were soon informed.

As a general impression, the lesson that most stands out for me as we went through all his belongings: books, CDs, ornaments, furniture, clothes, pictures, many still in unpacked cardboard boxes was that it made me re-think how I view my possessions.  We had downsized about 19 months prior to this and so had quite a good clear out then.  Where was my focus now?  What were my priorities about the things that I possessed?  Where was my heart really?

Jesus reminded his disciples that it is better to store up treasure in heaven where moth and rust does not affect it.  We cannot take anything with us when we die and it certainly won’t benefit us either.  We leave it all behind.  Jesus called the rich farmer[1] a fool because although he was rich in possessions, food stored up for many years and probably feeling secure in his retirement, he was not rich towards God.  He had viewed his surplus as his and had not been generous, sharing what he didn’t really need with those who could benefit from it.  His wealth had no eternal benefit for him. 

In Luke 18 the rich ruler who came and asked what he must do to receive eternal life was told by Jesus that he needed to sell what he had and distribute it to the poor and he would have treasure in heaven.  Then he was to follow Him.  He went away very sad.  The reason given was that he was extremely rich.[2]  In other words, he had more than he needed and was not generous and willing to use what he had to help those in need.  He was self-focused.

I think we forget that this life is only a transitioning stage.  We live as though we are going to live forever - what we have is ours to do with as we want.  We think that we deserve nice things, enjoy pleasures, holidays, nice houses and cars.  It’s my money after all, isn’t it?  However, what is God’s estimation of how we have used what he has given us to enjoy?

Jim Elliot was killed in the Ecuadorian jungle trying to reach the forest people with God’s message.  He said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”  Paul shares similar thoughts when he says, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.”[3]  What is my priority in life?  This is the question we need to ask ourselves?  How do I value what I have?  All of us have a responsibility – but is it selfish, self-focused or is it seeking a greater purpose, one that is seeking to honour God and bless others with the blessings that we have received?  

Another aspect that has been meaningful to me has been Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." I was struck by the link of contentment with the promised that Jesus will never leave or forsake us.   When that promise grips us it becomes easier for us to be content with what we have.  If Jesus is always with us and will never forsake us, then our confidence is in him rather than in the material things around.  We don’t need to seek after things that we don’t have but learn to be content with the things that we do have.[4]

So as Solomon reminds us, “It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.” [5]  Our dealing with the passing of Malcolm focused my heart and mind on my priority in living – is it for self, or for God?  Where is my heart?

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[1] Luke 12:23 ESV

[2] ESV of Luke 18:23

[3] Philippians 3:8 ESV

[4] Cf. Philippians 4:11 where Paul says he has learned in whatever situation he was to be content.

[5] Ecclesiastes 7:2 ESV

Malcolm Dexter (12 Dec 1938-22 Aug 2016) The Life of a Second Cousin

            Late afternoon on Monday, 22 August, there was a knock at the door.  On opening it, there stood a policewoman.  My immediate thought was, “Bad news! Which of the children is it?”  However, she said that she was sorry to have to inform me that Malcolm Dexter in Eastbourne had died that morning.  Malcolm was a second cousin.  I was rather surprised that she had come round to tell me.  But what was more shocking and difficult to take in was that Malcolm had written a letter to a Roman Catholic Priest, Chris Vipers, the night before in which Malcolm clearly stated that he designated me to be next of kin rather than his step niece, his only close relative. 

I invited her in and she spent about an hour and half with us.  She explained that Malcolm had not turned up for his surgical procedure at the hospital that day and the nurse had phoned the house to see where he was.  With no response she felt constrained to phone the police who found him on the hall way floor still in his pyjamas. Malcolm was to have had a brand new pace maker inserted and he was looking forward to the benefits that would give him, but sadly, that was not to be. 

            We phoned the coroner’s office and arranged to pick up the keys and so begun two months of travelling back and forth to Eastbourne (a 4-5 hour journey each way) trying to sort out his affairs.  We registered the death at the registry office and began working through his papers for the important details needed.

            Malcolm had previously arranged with Chris Vipers for him to act as executor.  This was stated again in Malcolm’s letter to Chris which was found on his desk when the police entered the flat.  However, there was no will.  Chris engaged a solicitor he knew near his home and it became clear that neither Chris nor I could act legally in the capacity in which Malcolm had requested in his letter.  Both of us were happy to do what we could, under the guidance of the solicitor we planned for the clearing of the flat, made funeral arrangements and dealt with the administration. 

Malcolm was an interesting and complex character.  Going through his papers, photographs, books and other paraphernalia revealed a man of many experiences, greatly travelled, and seemingly with a desire to continue to live a lifestyle that presented a persona that he could not really afford. 

He had remained single for most of his life apart from a ten year period or so when he was married.  I don’t think that worked out very well as he never really spoke about it. 

He spent time in Tibet and later travelled widely in the Middle East and Sudan as a civil servant for the Foreign office.  He met many interesting people during his time in the region.  He was fluent in French, Danish and Arabic and was learning Russian when he died.  I believe he was also able to converse in a few other languages too.  He had a fascination for the Muslin world and enjoyed life in the Middle East.  He was awarded the OBE in 1980 for services rendered in the Middle East.  He retired from the Foreign Service and became a consultant to Middle Eastern publishing houses.  He bought a house in Bursa in Turkey and then later moved further south to a house near the coast in Doğanbey.  He returned to the UK for medical reasons and eventually sold the house in Turkey.  He was living with his half sister for a while but when she died he had to move and ended up in Eastbourne. 

He had a fascination for history, Anglo-Saxon and Viking history more particularly and even studied the Anglo-Saxon language.  He was often involved in some project or other and even began the application process for a PhD in the French department at Reading University in 2003.  He also became interested in his family tree and it was through this connection that we got to know each other.  We had the opportunity of visiting him in Turkey when he was in Bursa and he visited us in Newent.  We also visited him a few times in Eastbourne as well.

His preferences in clothes and furniture showed that he had good taste. He had a great love for books and classical music and had a huge collection of both.  He was also downloading articles from the internet of historical or archaeological interest and would print and file these in a very organized way. His Middle Eastern interest was evident with the many and varied artefacts and pieces around the house or on the wall which seemed to indicate a desire to create something of that Middle Eastern environment in his home.  When you have lived for such a long time in another country it is very difficult to settle back into the homeland environment, and Malcolm certainly didn’t find it easy.  

However, his health ultimately got the better of him, and he died a lonely man.