Malcolm Dexter (12 Dec 1938-22 Aug 2016) The Life of a Second Cousin

            Late afternoon on Monday, 22 August, there was a knock at the door.  On opening it, there stood a policewoman.  My immediate thought was, “Bad news! Which of the children is it?”  However, she said that she was sorry to have to inform me that Malcolm Dexter in Eastbourne had died that morning.  Malcolm was a second cousin.  I was rather surprised that she had come round to tell me.  But what was more shocking and difficult to take in was that Malcolm had written a letter to a Roman Catholic Priest, Chris Vipers, the night before in which Malcolm clearly stated that he designated me to be next of kin rather than his step niece, his only close relative. 

I invited her in and she spent about an hour and half with us.  She explained that Malcolm had not turned up for his surgical procedure at the hospital that day and the nurse had phoned the house to see where he was.  With no response she felt constrained to phone the police who found him on the hall way floor still in his pyjamas. Malcolm was to have had a brand new pace maker inserted and he was looking forward to the benefits that would give him, but sadly, that was not to be. 

            We phoned the coroner’s office and arranged to pick up the keys and so begun two months of travelling back and forth to Eastbourne (a 4-5 hour journey each way) trying to sort out his affairs.  We registered the death at the registry office and began working through his papers for the important details needed.

            Malcolm had previously arranged with Chris Vipers for him to act as executor.  This was stated again in Malcolm’s letter to Chris which was found on his desk when the police entered the flat.  However, there was no will.  Chris engaged a solicitor he knew near his home and it became clear that neither Chris nor I could act legally in the capacity in which Malcolm had requested in his letter.  Both of us were happy to do what we could, under the guidance of the solicitor we planned for the clearing of the flat, made funeral arrangements and dealt with the administration. 

Malcolm was an interesting and complex character.  Going through his papers, photographs, books and other paraphernalia revealed a man of many experiences, greatly travelled, and seemingly with a desire to continue to live a lifestyle that presented a persona that he could not really afford. 

He had remained single for most of his life apart from a ten year period or so when he was married.  I don’t think that worked out very well as he never really spoke about it. 

He spent time in Tibet and later travelled widely in the Middle East and Sudan as a civil servant for the Foreign office.  He met many interesting people during his time in the region.  He was fluent in French, Danish and Arabic and was learning Russian when he died.  I believe he was also able to converse in a few other languages too.  He had a fascination for the Muslin world and enjoyed life in the Middle East.  He was awarded the OBE in 1980 for services rendered in the Middle East.  He retired from the Foreign Service and became a consultant to Middle Eastern publishing houses.  He bought a house in Bursa in Turkey and then later moved further south to a house near the coast in Doğanbey.  He returned to the UK for medical reasons and eventually sold the house in Turkey.  He was living with his half sister for a while but when she died he had to move and ended up in Eastbourne. 

He had a fascination for history, Anglo-Saxon and Viking history more particularly and even studied the Anglo-Saxon language.  He was often involved in some project or other and even began the application process for a PhD in the French department at Reading University in 2003.  He also became interested in his family tree and it was through this connection that we got to know each other.  We had the opportunity of visiting him in Turkey when he was in Bursa and he visited us in Newent.  We also visited him a few times in Eastbourne as well.

His preferences in clothes and furniture showed that he had good taste. He had a great love for books and classical music and had a huge collection of both.  He was also downloading articles from the internet of historical or archaeological interest and would print and file these in a very organized way. His Middle Eastern interest was evident with the many and varied artefacts and pieces around the house or on the wall which seemed to indicate a desire to create something of that Middle Eastern environment in his home.  When you have lived for such a long time in another country it is very difficult to settle back into the homeland environment, and Malcolm certainly didn’t find it easy.  

However, his health ultimately got the better of him, and he died a lonely man.